THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
Sick movie. but I can’t wait to finish the book. I wish I have the time to read, and just read. My book log just keeps on piling up. tsk.
I’m happy to have a friend like this wacko. He’s my alter ego, my comedic adviser-silly yet piercing. He mitigates my being incredulous, and that’s a good thing :)
2.15.12 - UNOFFICIALLY YOURS: ”paano kung patunayan sayo nung isang pinili mo na higit pa siya sa isang libong tinanggihan mo?”
This day is a bit memorable. :) Sometimes, even if we don’t know the truth behind sweet words, it’s not too bad to hear them still. Savor the moment but don’t get too caught up with it. That’s what I learned after 2 heartbreaking stories. tsk.
“Del male non fare e paura non avere.” Commit no evil, and have no fear-fear in making choices. fear in creating your own destiny.
People deal with dichotomies most of the time, it’s a gratifying experience to have alternatives and the ability to pick what you think is best-for you, for others or for everyone. Choosing is both a power and a responsibility, and is one of the things that we have control over.
So, I find it perplexing when people tell me that things “just happened,” or they don’t have a say on the matter-we screw up most of the time, but that is one lame excuse. You get judged? Sure. You get mistreated? It’s a possibility. You’re misunderstood? Aren’t we all? But it is better to be condemned because of the choices you made, rather than be vindicated out of cowardice. Besides, people shouldn’t get a kick out of criticizing other’s choices, because each is our OWN cross to bear. And why would you mind those people devoid of respect for their neighbors?
Whether sound or skewed, choices shape our character, whether good or bad, choices decide how we all turned out in the end. We only dance with regret when we falter in standing up for what we picked in life. We start to lose faith when we go three steps back and surrender to what ifs and what could have beens. Life is not a marathon ran backwards, and it’s not won over by someone who rides piggyback. You have to decide for yourself in taking those strides to finish the race.
- A WEEK BEFORE MY 25TH-
. I’ve basked under the sun, waddled through the pristine water
. danced my heart away
. enjoyed silence
. drank alcohol like my life depended on it
I think I’ll make this a ritual. I’d do something out of context before I get a year older. I think I like that idea.
Yeah. I DEFINITELY like it.
Dear You,
It’s been 5 months since that night I slept so soundly, after weeks and weeks of being emotionally battered. It has been 5 months since that night I told you I value self-respect more than a one-way relationship. 5 months of being self-sufficient and exploring the things that I want to do. It has been 5 months since I started to make my dreams tangible. Frankly, I don’t know what to tell you, albeit my pride tells me to lash on vindications of your infidelity, but who am I kidding? Even if my tongue bleeds on bitter words, the pain you’ve caused me will never be erased. My efforts in telling you what I’ve been through are just futile attempts in making you understand what happened between us. You will never understand, not that I underestimate your seemingly feeble grasp of reality; it’s just that ego and pride has been your companion for most part of your life. So….yeah.
The reason I wanted to write you, hmmm….I really don’t know why…maybe it’s purely self-indulgence. But I want to let you know that I’m okay. More than anything, more than vindictive words, the thing that I wanted to tell you is that…I’M OKAY. I’m on the process of accepting that 2 years ago I’ve had a case of poor judgment and skewed decisions. I’m trying to figure out your effect on me now, yes, I am that cerebral. I just can’t think of any proper word to describe my emotion towards you. It’s not anger, spite nor does pity. Nothing comes to mind, let’s just say, I’m devoid of you. Maybe, I’m coming to terms with what happened because I’m being apathetic. I don’t know if that’s a coping or defense mechanism, but that’s where I am right now. When your name pops out of nowhere, my brain automatically shuts down emotional responses. So I’m okay. I’m not a-ok, but I’m better. I’ve come to realize that I’ve been tied down for so long, and I almost lost my fabulous self in the process. I’ve come to realize that maybe I can settle with someone like you in the early years of my adulthood, but what happens after that? I will just be miserable if ever we decide to pursue our merry-go-round relationship. I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to the “new girl,” because my needs are far greater, because I am way better than that. Losing you is not the end of being me, which I can say with absolute certainty. I’m not the kind to depend my happiness to other people. Never been and probably, never will be. As they say, happiness lies within.
When I think about all the events preceding that night, it propels me to believe that everything has its purpose. One thing led to this, and I wouldn’t wish for any other way. You were just my prince charming, not my everything. I think I can let go of a fairytale with both my feet out the door. So I’m okay now, I’m fully letting you go. Not because it’s the wisest thing to do…but because I can without blinking.
